8 tips for dating with Anaphylaxis (or any allergies)
I am no expert when it comes to dating nor the allergy world for that matter. However, I have a lot of life experience in both. When I was young I was ashamed of my allergies; I was felt like they were a burden on my loved ones and didn’t think anybody would understand them (or want to) in order for me to feel safe.
I have grown up in recent the years and I don’t see my allergies as a negative on my personality anymore and I am more self-assured when telling people and demonstrating how to use my many auto-injectors.
My biggest tip: BE CONFIDENT and DIRECT in anything you are doing.
It is more difficult with allergies as there is a lot of anxiety, PTSD, fear but when you are confident people take notice. Find people who share your allergies (ie on social media) so you don’t feel alone- as a bonus you will see that the majority of them are in relationships.
These are some of my tips I have discovered over the years, take what you need and leave the rest (I am still learning as well)
When you are just starting to date or on a first date try not to go out of your comfort zone (Immediately)
First dates are scaring, nerve-racking, uncomfortable anyway so why would you want to pair it with something that brings you more fear. If you really want to go to a restaurant or a bar try suggesting places you’ve been to already. If they bring up a cuisine or a bar that you think will be unsafe say “I’d rather go... as I have a serious allergy and I don’t want that to be the focus of our evening.”
Talk to them about your allergies as if they were a friend
At the start of dating someone they are your friend. In the past, I broach the subject like I don’t want them to be scared of my allergies so I tiptoe around it and have it seem like it’s not a big deal (it is a big deal). Tell them about it how you tell a friend or anyone else - confident and direct. “Just don’t have it around me please or we can't get close or move our relationship forward.” Understand your own non-negotiables and verbalise them when there is an opportunity.
Teach them to use you Autoinjector:
I tend not to do this on the first date as I don’t eat out with them until a few dates in (even though I should because you never know) but if you are seeing a person more regularly do teach them how to use your auto-injector. You don’t have to to take it out, just explain how, where, when and that the instructions are on the packaging. IF IN DOUBT CALL THE AMBULANCE.
Ask what they have eaten that day:
Or request that 24hours before they meet you that they don’t ingest or use any products that you are severely allergic too: this is your life, and you have to take control of it. My mum sometimes forgets my allergies, I forget my allergies, we are all human so at the beginning, you will have to be proper strict and ask until they can understand what they can and cannot have. (When you are dating someone more - kissing and more- make their meal is allergy-friendly using the allergy info menu that you use for your meal so that there is so that you are sure and safe. People mess up. My mum is still accidentally giving me things that say may contain; even I still don’t always read labels correctly. You need to be diligent and ask all the time. They will be the closest ones to you, so they need to be aware of everything as well as you are.
Let them ask questions:
Unless they have already known about it before meeting you, they will be confused. I have a past of expecting them to get it the first time and not given them room for error (probably because I was too flippant when I first told them) be an open book, keep teaching, the more knowledge we can provide the less stigma there is. When you are just getting to know them it's confusing and everyone forgets.
Don’t let your allergies stop you from enjoying your time:
Unfortunately with allergies, we don’t have the luxury of being as spontaneous as normal people, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. Let them know that when you feel safe you will enjoy things more.
Cook for them
I’m sure if you have allergies you have dishes you know how to make that’s safe or a supermarket picnic you feel comfortable eating. It will bring you closer, save money and you will feel comfortable because what you both ate was safe for you.
Let go:
I know, I know… I just told you to stay in your comfort zone but this is when you are dating the one person. it’s hard to trust when the whole world could kill you at an instant but remember the more you cage yourself the less room there is for new people. Let go when you feel ready (never let someone pressure you into it). Trust your gut.
BONUS TIP:
Say goodbye to those who aren’t serving you:
Some people will think you are overreacting. That's okay, it happens, but that isn’t a safe environment. Trust your gut like you would a chef or a friend. You do not need people in your life that make you feel crazy, irrational and fearful - life is too short for that. This is a life and death matter remember that.
The only thing that will make you confident and comfortable is you. But hopefully, with these tips you can have an arsenal in your back pocket so when you feel scared or unsure you know things to help you through.
Dating is hard and allergies make it harder but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
The right person for you will support you, make you feel happy around them and won’t make you feel scared.
If there is anything that resonated with you in this post or on the blog please leave a comment, like the page and/or share with someone else. Thank you!
