May 10

May 10 ANAPHYLAXIS WEEK: Brunch on The Allergy Table

ANAPHYLAXIS AWARENESS WEEK: DAY SIX

Saturday is Brunch day in my house. I love waking up late, making boujee coffee, extravagant pancakes and just eating all the food, whilst watching television. To mark the end of anaphylaxis awareness week I wanted to make a massive brunch, featuring bucks fizz (mimosas) and talk about my relationship with food. My relationship with food has been rocky throughout my life. When I was younger I actually didn’t care that much about what I ate. I was really active and less interested in sitting down to eat. As I started getting older I found that food caused a lot of my anxiety, not just with my allergies but body issues. I think a lot of people will understand disparaging thoughts around food as we go through puberty. I didn’t have a normal relationship with food for a long time after that. My allergies started to affect me in ways they hadn’t before (I was aware of my surroundings and what other people are eating more than ever). I started becoming obsessed with food and I was baking and cooking more than ever. I didn’t have Pinterest or instagram, I was using cookbooks and the easiest things I could make were sweet treats. I was also using “safe” ready packaged bakes (Betty Crocker), they are really easy but weren’t great for me.

I grew up as an only child and from 13 I spent a lot of time alone. My mother was a working single mum with a very high powered career and I had a lot of nannies that let me do what I wanted (I was tough and stubborn). When my mum was home she would make lovely meals with plenty of vegetables but if I made dinner it was pizza & cookies. As I got older and started reading magazines about health & fitness and I started implementing healthier meals, exercising more, but I still was confused as to why I was thinking about food all the time.

Over the years I have started to unpack some of the ideas I have around food. I have had disordered eating in the past, but now I realise I just didn’t understand what food was to me. I looked outside for clarification and instead needed to look within myself. I can’t go to a bakery and order myself a slice of cake or a donut, so I make a whole cake and 12 donuts at home. I don’t know anyone that can do that and not eat at least two, especially when you haven’t had those treats in a long time.

My allergies have taken a toll on how I view food and thus my body image. Foods for me are “good” or “bad” or “safe” “not safe”, and a lot of nutritionists, or people talking about food, don’t really understand this. I love food, I love eating, but the social aspect with food scares me, the fear of other people eating and what they are eating frightens me. I do think about food a lot - what is my next meal, will it be safe, will I eat with people, where are we going, Should I eat before hand? - these are many questions I think about before I eat, so yes maybe that isn’t the best relationship to food, but it’s mine.

The way I try look at food now is neutral. It try to not make it one thing. I don’t like social eating, but I will do it if I feel safe and I won’t if I don’t (and I do not apologise for that). I listen to my body a lot more. I eat a lot of food some days (sometimes in one sitting - BRUNCH) and other days I barely eat. My body fluctuates just like my anxiety does. I am self-compassionate and I do not follow trends of other people. I don’t put myself in a box with my eating and I don’t say that I will eat this way forever. I am a fit & healthy person and my life is changing constantly so, my mind and body will too.

I write this post to say that everyone relates to things differently. We may have allergies in common or like the same foods but we look at food and life very differently based on our personal experiences. We will never stop growing and learning. If you are reading this and don’t have a great relationship to food, have food anxiety, fearing social eating or even have a good relationship to food - know that life takes you places you never thought you would go, nothing is permanent but if you have resilience, you will get through it. There are people out there to help, they may not be experiencing life like you are but they can understand & relate. Always reach out but look inwards to find out about you, before you compare yourself to others.

It was a great week to raise awareness for Anaphylaxis. You can still donate to the anaphylaxis campaign! Thank you for helping the Anaphylaxis Campaign to help all of us with Anaphylaxis. DONATE HERE.