Allergy mothers through the generations
Today is my birthday, I am 28 years old! When I was young, I never thought I would make it to 16. I cried for hours begging God to let me live until I was 16. I couldn’t see a life where I would survive with my allergies. People didn’t understand allergies back then, they couldn’t see the gravity of cross-contamination or how it felt to be someone living with allergies. When I was a baby, the doctors said I was in the top few people in the country that had the most severe allergies, now I bet I would be one of thousands. I never thought I would get to the stage where I could be talking about allergies every day, to people who are going through it as well.
I know a lot of people don’t like birthdays, they don’t like getting older or they don’t like to have attention put on them but, for me birthdays are a symbol of the fact that I made it another year. I surpassed 16 and I am eternally grateful every day, and year, that I have. I am not setting limits on myself anymore, the world is changing to support the allergy community; I can’t even imagine where it will be in 10 years when I have my own children! The reason I am still here today, and that I am thriving in this world, is hands down due to my allergy mother.
Mothers are integral for child rearing, that was especially true in my house. I grew up with a single mother who, brought me up while working in a high-powered job, made difficult household decisions, was my best friend & parent, and on top of all that, she had to understand my allergies. She researched, prepared allergy friendly foods (without the use of the internet), she talked to parents, students, faculty about my allergies and lived in constant fear, especially when the phone would ring. So with all of that, how did I manage to grow up without anxiety, stress, no food fear (very minimal - it came when I was in my 20s), independent and always moving around the world on my own?! I’ll tell you how; allergy mothers are superheroes. For my birthday I wanted to give thanks to the people who raised (are raising) us to be come confident allergy adults. I have been talking to some of the allergy mums in the community. Mothers who have been doing it since the time I was born. I wanted to see how it has changed, know if the world is scarier now that there’s more information out there and, how mothers today are preparing their allergy kids for the future. The children also have something to say at the end!
Here’s their advice from 2020-1992:
From Michelle @_michelleluu
Mother of 2 and she documents one of their TIP treatments for dairy, egg, wheat, peanut, tree nuts, fish, seeds, legumes.
KATIE - @lifewithitchy
2018
Child’s allergies
Egg, dairy, peanut, tree nuts & peas
Katie is the Queen of Food allergy memes, a Spokin Ambassador and a mother two 2 little boys. She is a fabulous advocate for food allergies and we are lucky to have her in this community.
Rachel - @peanut_allergy_mummy
2018
Child’s allergies:
Specific allergy is only peanuts however they avoid all types of Tree nuts on the advice of his allergy doctor. They avoid may contain warnings as well.
Dear new allergy parent,
Finding out your child has a serious food allergy is scary. All of a sudden, food is a threat.
It’s probably never been that way through your life, at least it wasn’t for me.
The only thing I knew, about nut allergies, was when the airline staff announced them before my flight took off. I’d never given it any more thought.
I used to love smooth peanut butter, especially on thick white toast!
I haven’t had peanut butter since the day I realised my son was allergic.
Reading food labels and packets has become normal, it has too.
You will find “may contain” warnings appear on the most unexpected things.
An ice lolly with a peanut warning, a simple milk chocolate Easter egg with a tree nut warning.
It is very frustrating ; there shouldn’t be a trace of peanuts in a fruit ice lolly.
People say that companies are just covering themselves, but in my opinion, I won’t take that risk; not when it comes to my child.
You’ll be asked if they can “just eat a little bit?”
You’ll worry about birthday parties, you will have to take your own safe cake now, to put in your child’s party bag.
You’ll worry for them at school, wondering if another child is sitting next to them eating peanut butter for lunch.
We spend evenings researching safe snacks, restaurant menus and epipen bags.
But, the most important thing I’ve learnt is that children are the best when it comes to handling allergy situations head on.
They don’t feel sorry for themselves.
They adapt and get used to their new way of eating.
They learn that they have their own “safe treats”.
They understand that their birthday cake needs to be a special one and not the same as everyone else.
They learn to ask “does this have peanuts in?” - you’ll feel proud of them, every time.
You teach them the labels of chocolates or sweets that are not safe. They will remember.
Remember:
They can still enjoy that party with their friends.
They can confidently announce they have to eat their own food.
They can still go to a friends house, and eat.
They can still go on holiday.
They can enjoy eating at certain restaurants.
The worry as an allergy parent is always there, but as some time passes you will learn so much more about allergies and, it does get easier. Knowledge is definitely power. Your child will thrive, and you can do this!
Rachel
Rachel is a mother of two, living in Wales, UK. She is spreading awareness for food allergies and helping people understand the severity. She is a kind soul and just wants to the best for allergy children.
Emma - @emma.amoscato
2013 + 2016
Child’s allergies
James: peanuts, tree nuts, egg, sesame and garlic.
Amalia: egg, sesame and chilli.
They have both outgrown milk allergies (although too much of it still flares Amalia's eczema badly).
These are my two little allergic adventurers. James loves lego, Minecraft and playing football. Amalia has taught herself how to do cartwheels and loves playing dress up.
The reality of parenting two children with multiple anaphylactic allergies is anxiety inducing. I've dealt with them having allergic reactions at the same time and, they have watched each other suffer severe reactions and go to the hospital.
It is a lot for two young children to deal with but, their experiences have also shaped them in many positive ways. They are more empathetic, supportive, astute and are able to advocate for themselves than most children their age.
Of course, I would take away their allergies in an instant if I could but, I am proud of how they deal with it all.
Living with allergies isn't easy however, it's our normal and I won't let it stand in their way of living their best lives.
Emma is a mother of 2, a best selling author (Living with allergies) and another book to be released soon (You, me, and food allergies). She runs a programme helping people deal with anxiety. She is a psychology & neuroscience Msc student and a wife to a man who is fighting stage 4 cancer. They are a superhero family, which advocate for allergies amazingly. Emma is based in the UK and does many talks & events.
She also runs a blog called Freefrom Farmhouse
Alison - @thenutlessbaker
2014
Child’s allergies
Peanuts & egg
Did you have a feeling when about his allergies before he was diagnosed?
We had no idea Grady had allergies. He was always really picky but he never showed any external symptoms. We had the misconception that food allergies involved hives, or if a person had an anaphylactic reaction, they'd be choking immediately. Grady's aversion to food increased over time; foods he used to eat, he just slowly started to refuse. We just assumed he was being that typical "picky toddler". He never complained about an upset stomach, and he never had any external symptoms when he ate foods containing eggs. Ranch dressing (that contained egg), would give him red spots around his mouth, but he has eczema on his face and we assumed the vinegar in the dressing was irritating his eczema. He was introduced to peanut butter at 7 months old and never liked it. As a result, we didn't feed it to him as often. He did eat foods that contained peanuts and he never had any external symptoms.
How did it feel the first time he had a reaction?
The first time Grady had a big reaction to peanuts, was when my husband gave Grady peanut butter and celery as a snack and, several bites in, Grady started complaining about an itchy eye. I grabbed a wet cloth and wiped his eye, thinking he must have an eyelash in it but, he kept complaining. Then hives started forming on his face and that's when we knew he was having a reaction. We rushed him to the hospital, which is literally 2 minutes away, and the doctor gave Grady steroids and Benadryl. I remember feeling a mix of disbelief and panic; but at this point, we really didn't know what was next, what living with food allergies would actually entail.
Grady's first major reaction to eggs was while he was baking with my mom. They added the eggs to the cinnamon bun dough, Grady tasted the dough and he immediately started itching his eye. My mom and I thought we must've missed a peanut ingredient, we re-read the labels and found nothing. That's when it dawned on me that he was allergic to eggs. I remember feeling overwhelmed, having another allergen to worry about, but I did also think the misconception that an egg allergy wasn't as bad as peanut. You always hear about the dangers of a peanut allergy, never the other ones.
Grady had an anaphylactic reaction to eggs at a baked egg challenge in June 2016. It was the scariest moment of my life, when I had to administer his epipen. It was amazing to see how quickly his symptoms reversed but, that scream when I injected the needle, I will never forget it. After that experience, I will never be nervous to administer his epipen when needed. Watching regain his normal breather, and his symptoms instantly reversed, it was a miracle.
Did you know about allergies (severe allergies) before you had your son?
I knew about anaphylaxis before Grady had his reactions. I am a teacher, and we are trained every year on how to handle severe allergic reactions but, until you actually live through it, you don't truly understand. We don't have any food allergies in our family, just seasonal ones, so it was a huge learning curve, for the whole family. We had a lot of misconceptions to correct within ourselves, as well our family and friends.
What is some advice you would give yourself in the past, now?
I am naturally really hard on myself; I don't like making mistakes, especially when they have the potential to harm my son. I felt a lot of regret for not recognising his allergies sooner, and then not advocating well enough for him after his diagnosis. We felt like we always had to apologise for Grady's allergies, when in fact, we shouldn’t have. I’d say to my 2014 self, to breathe, give me grace, and realise food allergies are not an inconvenience. Any push back from others is often rooted in their own misunderstandings and "innocent ignorance." Give grace to those around you, as they too learn how to help.
You are an amazing baker. Did you teach yourself after your son or did you always bake?
Aw, thank you!! The first time I did any cake decorating was actually for Grady's first birthday. I wanted to do something special for him and just thought I'd give it a try. That was our tradition for the first few years-just baking something special for his birthday. Once he was diagnosed with food allergies, I started playing around more with decorating and also recipe development. His egg allergy forced me to look at the foods we eat and gave me courage to experiment. As people saw what I was doing, they began requesting custom cakes, and it all just fell into place. I love being able to bake for the food allergy community, as it's a way to give back. I can give a custom cake to those who may not have ever and the opportunity to have one. Living in a small town, there are no bakeries close by that really accommodate food allergies. I am proud I get to provide that.
Do you bake with your children?
I do bake with both my kids, Grady and Nora. They don't love it as much as I do, they'd rather be the taste testers and be on the clean-up committee when all leftover icing and fondant can be eaten. As soon as they see me decorating a cake, they begin requesting "num-nums".
How has your life changed after your son's diagnosis?
We don't have as much freedom with food as we once did; for example, every Friday we would order out. We tried to do this after Grady's diagnosis, but we found that restaurants and servers were often unaware of food allergies. We were served food that we were told was safe, that actually it wasn't. We decided eating at restaurants just wasn't worth the risk, and actually that shift has broadened the food we eat now. I try to recreate dishes we might have enjoyed at restaurants, which has been fun for all of us. Recently, Nora and I went out for a meal alone but, she didn't like the food. Throughout her life, she has only eaten what my home cooked meals, and the pizza she ordered just "wasn't right". I didn't expect her to have that kind of reaction restaurant food.
Derek and I, have also worked really hard on our ability to speak up for Grady and his food allergies. We've really had to shift our attitude away from "inconveniencing people" to, advocating for our son. The more we talk to people, with an empathetic approach to discussing food allergies, has really helped both parties.
What advice would you give new allergy mums starting out now?
Take it one day at a time and try to understand that you and your family are not an inconvenience. Reach out to others in the food allergy community, be honest and open with others in your life. You will figure this out. You will be amazed at the number of people in your community who will support you when you are open with them. We have been humbled time and time again with the generosity of others who want to include Grady. The more people know, the more they understand.
Any allergy hacks or baking hacks we should now?
TOFU! If you don't have a soy allergy, soft tofu is the best egg substitute. I can't shout that loud enough.
Alison is a mother of 2. Grady has the allergies. She is a terrific baker, self taught and runs her own baking company (in Canada) to help families in need of allergy-friendly custom cakes. She is a fantastic food allergy awareness advocate, and is always there when I need tips on how to design my bakes.
She has a blog called The Nutless Baker, where she shares recipes, blogs about living with food allergies, and more. PLUS her Pinterest is amazing!
Natalie - @intolerantgourmand
2013
Child’s allergies
28+ severe allergies, severe eczema and asthma.
When I was asked to write about the journey we have gone on with my little boy Callum, I initially struggled to think of something to write. Should I cover how brave I think my little dude is? Should I document the many challenges we’ve faced, to get to where we are now? How about schooling a child with allergies? These are all topics often covered. But then I realised there was an aspect that isn’t always covered and is so important. Guilt!
Guilt is something you learn to live with as a parent, then add the guilt you feel as an allergy parent and it is on a whole new level!
If I take it back to the very beginning, as a parent, it’s fair to say that life is literally turned upside down! You suddenly become responsible for a little human being that depends on you completely. Now, add allergies to this new life! Allergies demand a lot of time, not to mention planning & attention to maintain and to keep them at bay. Never mind the constant appointments you will attend. It’s a full-time job in itself!
If you’re anything like me, you will have experienced what is known as ‘parental guilt’ at some point, more often than not on a daily basis, if not, weekly . How best to describe it? A feeling of being pulled in multiple directions, and regularly feeling as if you’re not too sure which way to turn. Everyday life becomes a finely tuned routine, that’s balancing very carefully.
One thing is for sure, it doesn’t take much to upset that balance, especially when it comes to ‘what happens if your little one has a reaction?’ situation.
How do you deal with it? Inside you might be freaking out and going through a million questions at once trying to figure out how and why the reaction happened. The FBI should hire us, because of the way allergy parents dissect timelines to figure out the culprit of a reaction.
Pre-lockdown, my thoughts would go like this; ‘does your little one warrant having time off nursery/school, or should they soldier on and push through’ question. After all, you're trying to show them that having allergies shouldn't stop you from doing anything! The parent instinct in you would have a quiet day on the sofa, cuddling up and watching their favourite cartoons.
But you work, and have pressing deadlines? You know the ones, the emails with a big red flag next to them, waiting for you to action in the morning, an urgent addition to a meeting you’re chairing at lunch time, with at least 10 people needing the information before they can get on and meet their own deadlines.
What about dinner? Do you even have anything in the house to cobble together, and is it going to be safe given you’ve just had to deal with a reaction? And what about housework? That’s got to fit in somewhere too, right? But, above all of this, what about some you time?
if you answered ‘what’s that?!’ then you are exactly like me and you have my absolute sympathy. In fact, I am sending you a virtual cup of hot (!!) coffee, a slice of cake and a hug!
Truth is, it can be exhausting, and that takes its toll, leaving you with an empty cup, in which to pour from.
By showing some form of resilience, you are effectively winning, fighting against the allergies, however, it’s often hard to keep a good balance! Mummy instinct kicks in, and you feel bad for the reaction happening, but truth is, there’s no way of knowing when the next reaction might happen. Living with allergies is effectively like living with a ticking time bomb, and you never know when it might next go off.
One hugely important point to know – IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT or any of ours!! We mustn’t beat ourselves up over reactions, it doesn’t do anyone any good. 99% of the time I am acutely aware of and sensitive to the symptoms that Callum presents with, and I’m sure all allergy parents will agree with this.
Parent guilt is real, it’s harsh, and it will pull us in many different directions! It’s how we learn to live with it that changes everything!
Life is hard enough as it, we all need to learn to be kinder to ourselves, especially when it comes to dealing with allergies. We’re all doing the very best we can, and truly, that’s all anyone can ask for!
Nathalie is a mother of 2. She helps advocate for and supports Callum with his numerous allergies. She is an award winning UK food & allergy writer, present and creator. She runs a blog called Intolerant Gourmand where she talks about allergies, makes recipes, booklets to give to new allergy families and shows tips & tricks of how to live with allergies, eczema and asthma. She is changing the way allergies are perceived and nobody is getting in her way.
She is starting a podcast, so stay tuned for that!
Shahla - @myberkeleykitchen
2012
Child’s allergies
Aleena: all tree nuts (except almonds), peanuts, sesame & other seeds eg. flax, chia, hemp..
Saira: no food allergies but environmental allergies; eczema, asthma and seasonal allergies.
I would like to tell my younger self to be kind and give myself grace. We’re human and although we want to be perfect in managing our children’s food allergies, perfection doesn’t exist. We can only educate ourselves, be prepared and do our best. Advocating for your child and speaking up about what you need from others, including family and friends, takes time.
I was always a bit shy, it took me years to understand that it is okay to speak up and advocate for the needs of my child. Our kids are always watching and listening to us, even when we think they are oblivious to our actions and words. I believe that by modelling this behaviour, I am creating a safe space where my kids to understand that it’s okay, necessary even, to ask for what you need to stay safe. We shouldn’t to be silent, apologise or be ashamed about food allergies.
I lived in fear for many years about my kids’ allergies. I let other people’s misinformation dictate my decisions, on whether we should travel on an airplane or attend social events. A friend once told me, “I don’t know how you would ever get on a plane; it doesn’t seem safe?!”. I let fear control me for years, even though we did a lot of traveling early on in my daughter’s diagnosis. Today, I believe there is a way to make most situations work and sometimes we may ask for help from loving friends, family and community.
Living with allergies takes planning and preparation but, in the end, I see how happy my kids are when engaging with their friends and participating in all parts of life. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy or they always feel included; sometimes it’s not possible to be included with or without food allergies. So, I would tell my younger self to not stress out about those things. All I can do is let my kids feel their emotions, discuss it and move forward. I hope that after many years of living with food allergies, my kids understand that everyone has different challenge and food allergies may be their “thing”, but it doesn’t have to define or stop them from being their true selves.
Shahla is a mother of 2, and she is one of the first people I formed a connection to when I wanted to be more involved with the allergy community. In her Berkeley kitchen she cooks allergy friendly recipes. She is an amazing recipe developer and a beautiful food photographer. She shares tips for allergy families, including batch cooking and freezer tips (she understands the meal prepping lifestyle). She has a certification as a Natural chef from the Holistic Nutrition and Culinary Arts School.
She runs a blog called My Berkeley Kitchen. She is featured/guest on many blogs, cookbooks, podcast (I think she should start her own with her girls) and is prominent in the allergy community in real life and on Instagram!
HOLLY - @killerfoodallergiespodcast
2012
Child’s allergies
Peanuts, tree nuts, coconut, soy, fish, shellfish, Sesame, Stone Fruit, Berries, Celery, Kiwi, Broccoli, Pineapple
I have two daughters that, between them have eczema, airborne allergies, OAS, asthma and food allergies. While my youngest is just now starting to experience the 9 most common food allergens, it is my oldest that inspired my decision to begin the journey into food allergy advocacy. She is 12 years old and has life-threatening food allergies to multiple foods. There are about 25 foods that are dangerous for her. While she was definitively diagnosed at age 4, I can now look back and say with confidence that allergies showed up in her infancy. At the time of her diagnosis, “peanut allergy” was just emerging as a buzz word, and food allergy information seemed scarce. There were a few stories of this in the media and, after experiencing some minor reaction when we fed her, I thought I would look in to this further. I took her to an allergist, following a recommendation from a friend, who gave her a prick test and… WOW! I had NO IDEA what I was in for that day. As it turned out, she was allergic to so many things, and they were all labeled LIFE-THREATENING. On that day, as is the case with so many, “…life changed in an instant.”
Since then, we have treated this as a family disease. The four of us are in this together, and we look after each other, as we each “come to the table” with a set of different allergies. Some how it works, and we’ve managed to identify several meals that all four of us can safely eat together.
I am often asked for my opinion or advice around food allergies, and it’s tricky. As in all things, I would never be so bold as to offer advice, but after so many years battling this beast, I do have a few suggestions:
Seek help, information and a community of like-minded friends, whose shoulder you can cry on. Everyone has different allergies, to a different set of things and all reactions are not created equal! What works for one person in managing all this, might not work for another. The one thing that does remain consistent in the category of advice is to ALWAYS have a minimum of two epinephrine auto-injectors with you at all times and, to never hesitate using it. #EpiFirstEpiFast!
It is my opinion, this is one of the most misunderstood diseases out there. The biggest thing I try to get across is how serious allergies are, “YES… a tiny bite CAN kill someone.” I mention time and time again on my podcast that, food allergies are real. I also want it clear that, while there are therapies for FA’s, there is NO CURE, only management. It is extremely important that folks understand that food reactions do not just come from eating an allergen. I have seen my own daughter fight a reaction after smelling peanut butter and, she has broken out in red blotchy bumps after writing on herself with an ink pen. Did you know that a great deal of ink is soy based? We didn’t.
Mostly, I would like people to accept and understand, that I am not an overreacting, helicopter mom. Well, I might be, but allergies are still extremely serious, no matter what you think of me as a parent! The truth is, when I am helping my daughter manage her life-threatening disease, I am not overreacting or attempting to take away any one’s cupcake enjoyment. I am simply, solely, only, every minute of every day, trying to keep her alive.
Holly is a mother of 2, both of which have allergies. Holly hosts a podcast called Killer food allergies podcast. The podcast is “for everyone, that dives head first into the daily grind of navigating life threatening food allergies.” Her podcast is thoughtful, educational, funny, motivational and inspiring. She has guests on from all over the community to brands, allergy advocates, foundations, apps, allergy mothers and allergy adults. She shares her story in a such a lovely way, and I could have used this podcast when I was growing up!
Heather - @chefmommy
2008
Child’s allergies
All 4 children: fish, shellfish, nuts, egg, milk, and flax.
Harper, Clark, and Charleston: sunflower seeds.
Colin: sesame seeds.
Heather is a mother of 4, all of whom have food allergies. She is plant based and shares vegan recipes that are safe for her kids and doesn’t skimp on flavour. She has a Youtube channel called Chef Mommy where she shares some recipes, and has guest appearances from her large family. She has a wonderful aura and joy when she expresses her story, she is advocating for her children and helping them be safe, happy and healthy!
Tracy - @maycontaintracys
1997
Child’s allergies
All nuts
Ollie was 3 when his nut allergy was diagnosed; from then on he would sit in the trolley at Sainsbury's, I would pick up various items and, even from the age of 3, we would look for allergen information together. I would read it out loud and we'd check for the nut warnings. He couldn't obviously read at 3 but I wanted him to acknowledge/be aware what I was looking out for with regard to food packaging.
I've always loved to cook, so home baking wasn't a problem. When Ollie started school he would always take a packed lunch and we would place it in the school kitchen/fridge each day, and I made sure everyone knew him in the kitchen. I never wanted him to feel left out so, any play dates were catered for by me and I was always there, for him but also for my peace of mind; happy that everyone ate the same things.
Ollie's first school was small and they had an easter egg hunt every year. I personally bought and wrapped over 300 mini eggs so that he wouldn't be excluded from such a fun and happy occasion! I think I was up until around 2am wrapping eggs, but it was worth it. As he grew older he understood the importance of what was safe to eat and all his friends, at that time, were well aware of his allergy. They all loved the James Bond films and instead of the man with the golden gun - they'd call him the man with the golden bag; his two epipens were in a bright yellow cases! When Ollie was in senior school, the school had become nut free, which was a huge relief, but that meant allergies were becoming less rare.
Ollie has looked after himself, through University and now out in to the ‘real’ world. I feel a sense of relief, that he knows what is safe and what isn’t. Plus there will always be McDonald's close by, and my kitchen is always welcome to him!
Tracy is a mother of 2. She has a love for cooking, and dedicates her instagram to nut free recipes, because of Ollie. Her makes lovely food that you wish to have an invitation to her home. She very kind, and a genuine person. Her page is like a warm hug from your mother.
Patricia - My Mother
1992-1993
Child’s allergies
Anaphylactic to peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, lentils, chickpeas, peas, beans (most legumes), kiwi, pineapple (tropical fruits), shellfish, horse dander, eczema and year long hay-fever plus OAS to raw egg, raw apple, raw pear.
The critical thing it seemed to me, at the time, was to find a way to empower Lindi through knowledge. Helping her understand the gravity of the situation yet, at the same time, feel as though she could survive based on her knowledge and expertise – she needed to know what to eat and what to do if anything bad ever happened.
This approach applied to everything not just anaphylaxis. We would act things out: “what would you do if?” discussions from someone asking her to go look at puppies to offering her drugs or alcohol. I was blessed in this enterprise because Lindi is highly intelligent and logical – I always thought she’d become a lawyer – she would be able to imagine the situations and think them through, often realising things that I hadn’t thought of.
I tried to make sure that Lindi would not be wrapped in cotton wool and not be paralysed by fear for the rest of her life – what would be the point in that? One of the most poignant moments was when she was about 7 years old and she said suddenly, ‘I just want to live till I am 16 – that would make me happy’.
It was all about managing risks, keeping everyone informed and preparing for as many eventualities as we could think of, to increase the confidence in everybody. I wanted her to do everything that all her friends did. One problem I always had was, people didn’t understand or they thought they knew better.
I was always surprised by how few people read ingredient labels (does mayonnaise really contain egg?). Another was birthday parties – I always made cakes for the birthday child, that way Lindi could eat it safely and not worry about it. She got given her own matching food (crisps, sausages, sweets etc).
At one point, when she was about 9-10 years old, she really got upset by this and wanted to stop going to birthday parties because she always felt different. I realised that she was always being put on the allergy table where her food was kept separate, for her safety. After that moment she decided that she could invite the other children to eat her food and join her at the allergy table – which is exactly what she is doing now. I am very proud of her; she took something so difficult and made it positive!
Patricia is a mother of 2. Both children have health issues that have always made them feel out of place and separate. She has fought hard to show her children how managing the cards you are dealt can allow them to have an amazing life, despite the setbacks. She has shown that we all make mistakes but how you respond to them makes you who you are. She advocates for allergies whilst also seeing that there is more to a person than their allergies.
I would not be where I am today without her. She is a warrior and I will fight along-side her any day!
As you can see these allergy mothers are incredible! There is a lot of similarity within their advice, but the biggest thing that stands out for me is who they are. I know that I got to be who I am today because I had an amazing role model who showed me time and time again to be fearless and to never let adversity get in your way; that is what all of these mothers are showing their children. Standing up and advocating will demonstrate to your children to do the same. Being brave, calm, collected in face of an allergy reaction will indicate to your children how to respond that way as well. . It is not about perfection- it is about resilience.
Whoever you are, whatever you are doing, if you are an allergy parent, you are a superhero. Don’t ever let someone, take away your cape!
If you are an allergy father I would also love to hear from you! It is hard finding men in the community being vocal, I would love it if that would change.
KIDS CORNER
What do the children have to say about their allergies?
“When James has a food her allergic to he gets very sick.” - James, 2 is too little to talk. This is from his older brother.
“Is there peanuts in that?” - Jake, 4
"Never share food or eat something without your mum or dad checking the ingredients." - Amalia, 4
“I don’t like having food allergies.”-Charleston, 7
"Allergies can be scary but don't panic. The epipen makes you better really quickly." - James, 7
“It’s hard to have food allergies, but our mom makes everything better.”- Clark , 8
"One of the best things about having food allergies is, you get to pick whatever food you want when you can't have the food offered to you!" - Grady, 8
“Allergies are part of me and I don’t let them stop me having fun.” - Callum, 8
"I have to be careful about what I eat but I like it when my mom, dad and sister make me yummy food“ - Aleena, 8
“Sometimes you may feel sad or left out at school when there’s a party and you can’t eat what everyone else is having.” -Harper, 11
“Being a kid with food allergies might not sound like it’s that much fun because it means you are restricted from so many things. But, it can really open you up to an exciting adventure of trying new foods.” - Sammy, 12
“Having food allergies has helped us to eat healthier foods since we make almost everything we eat ourselves.” -Colin, Jr., 13
“As much as my allergy is a constant, I think it important not to let it become a shadow. “ Ollie, 26
“You got this. These are your cards, you can play them however you want!” - Lindiwe, 28
Heather Martin, Chef Mommy has a story to tell about one of her daughters allergy reactions!
Wisdom from Ollie, 26:
For many years, having a peanut allergy was something which never entered my awareness. I was shielded from the reality of it; my parents would prepare birthday cakes for me to eat, ensure that I was able to have the same meal as everyone else, they educated parents, teachers friends to the dangers of it. No length nor effort was too much for them.
In short, the burden of it was entirely removed. I was care free.
As I’ve got older, and my awareness has increased, and that burden has fallen to me, I’ve assumed my natural place of Food Worrier. A title and task I’ve taken to with relish. (Naturally, nut free relish.)
Now, at 26, when attempting to articulate what it’s like to live with a peanut allergy the best analogy that I could think of is that it gives me pause. Pause before ordering; pause to think of cooking utensils and cleaned kitchens; pause to think on how a hastily scribbled down ‘food allergy’ next to my order will be translated by the chef; pause to decipher what exactly it means when there’s no nuts in the recipe but are in the factory; pause to think exactly what a manufacturing method is.
Pause. To breathe. To think. To decide
And this I have found to be the process of ageing, the transition from burden to pause; and it’s one, I believe, to be a healthy one. As much as my allergy is a constant, I think it important not to let it become a shadow. I must challenge myself to go to new places, dare myself to order something different, run at the opportunity to experience something new. But, always with pause.
Thank you for sharing your journeys.
