How to love yourself in an Allergy Bubble
I used to say sorry all the time, especially in relationships. ‘Sorry we can’t eat at that restaurant’, ‘Sorry I can’t fly on that airline’, ‘Sorry I’m such a pain…’ – but when you constantly apologise for your allergies, it can undermine your self worth and affect your self-esteem. Over-apologising doesn’t make you or the other person feel good either. So, I’ve stopped saying it. Mainly because I shouldn’t be apologising for something I didn’t choose.
“Self-care is a very individual practice and there’s no ‘correct’ way to do it.”
Jessica’s Story
When I was 15 years old, I decided to eat a piece of chocolate from a box. I put the chocolate in my mouth and it immediately tasted metallic. I spat it out and ran upstairs to brush my teeth. Within minutes, I started feeling (and then was) extremely sick. I had severe stomach pain and hives head-to-toe. My eyes and lips were swollen and I remember wanting to lie down and go to sleep. My parents called an ambulance and luckily they arrived soon after. At that time, I had no idea what had happened to me but I later found out I experienced a severe allergic reaction to nuts called anaphylactic shock. My life has never been the same since.
When I was 19, I discovered that I was highly intolerant to gluten. I spent two years prior feeling very unwell and losing weight; not knowing that gluten was the cause. I was mainly eating dry toast during this time too! I finally got a diagnosis and within days I started feeling better. This changed how I searched for new foods. I now had to find gluten free food without traces of nuts, from products in the supermarket to eating out at restaurants. This was a whole other world! Since then, I discovered I am allergic to avocado, kiwi, dust and pollen.
The more I learned about allergies (e.g. traces of nuts and cross-contamination) the more I started to experience allergy-anxiety. I was in fear of having another reaction, but I also became aware of the social aspect - going to parties or events, not knowing what food would be there.
There have been times where my allergies have been treated as though they are a phobia; as if I’m being over the top or just exaggerating. When this has happened in the past, I felt the need to justify myself and would feel frustrated that they didn’t ‘get it’. Now if I meet someone new or if I’m going on a date, I tell the other person about my allergies with confidence and I leave the overexplanations at the door.
When I started dating, the ‘what-ifs’ began creeping in: ‘What if we go somewhere and they serve nuts?’, ‘What if I kiss them and I have an allergic reaction?’ ‘What if they don’t want to date me because of my allergies?’.
For the most part, the people I’ve dated have been really understanding about my allergies. That said, sometimes someone will say my allergies aren’t a problem, but then in practice they can get frustrated by having to go to the same restaurants all the time or not being able to jump on a plane without doing a load of research first. I can totally understand it’s not something everyone wants to or can handle; but equally, if someone can’t handle my allergies, then they aren’t the person for me and I will simply move on.
Something that’s helped to build my confidence is practicing self-care. I truly believe in the importance of taking time for yourself and being comfortable in your own company, whether you’re in a relationship or not. This can be having a pamper night with a face mask on - I absolutely do this and it makes me feel good - but it’s also so much more than that.
My 9 self-care practices
Kind self-talk
Anytime you tell yourself a negative thought, try to become aware of it and flip it on its head. For every negative thought, counteract it by telling yourself three new positive ones.
““Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself.””
Gratitude
I list out on paper 23 things I’m grateful for, that could be anything from having a roof over my head to being thankful for running water. I also have no idea why it’s 23 things – this is quite a long list. Start with three things every morning and see how your day changes!
Social media mindfulness
If you’re endlessly scrolling through Instagram and what you’re seeing isn’t making you feel good, you can unfollow those accounts. We’re constantly being fed information that we didn’t ask to see, it is really important to be aware of what you’re consuming. Instead, choose to follow real people who inspire you every day.
Setting boundaries
Giving yourself permission to take care of yourself is one of the kindest things you can do. Decide what you’re willing to put up with and what you aren’t, and then honour it. It’s totally acceptable to decline an invitation or not pick up the phone if you need a moment to breathe.
Protect your energy
Surround yourself with radiators not drains. Your time and energy is precious, so spend time with people who lift you up and avoid emotional vampires.
Move your body
Find the type of exercise that you most enjoy and then stick with it. For me, that’s yoga. Vinyasa Yoga is great for releasing nervous energy and Yin Yoga is amazing for deep stretching and relaxing.
Meditate
Meditating before bed really helps me to switch off and sleep well. This can be anything from a Calm sleep story to ASMR or listening to thunderstorm sounds. There are so many different styles of meditation, so have a look around until you find one that works for you.
“When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.”
Read
Curling up with a book you enjoy is like magic to me. It transports my mind to another place and I could literally read for hours on end. My head is currently buried in ‘Untamed’ by Glennan Doyle - it’s such a liberating read and I totally recommend it.
Get off your devices
Have a social media detox! Being constantly connected to the world is amazing, but sometimes I just to need to leave my phone in another room and mentally switch off. Try setting some time limits, turn off notifications and don’t look at your phone before you go to sleep.
Self-care is a very individual practice and there’s no ‘correct’ way to do it. Whatever it looks like for you, practice without pressure and to your own schedule. Over time, these positive behaviours can become second nature and have a great impact on your overall wellbeing.
Nowadays, I feel way more empowered and confident in myself and my allergies. I see them as a source of strength. Because of my allergies and experiences, I’ve grown to be more empathic, confident, humble, present, resilient, strong, passionate and kind.
When it comes to dating, it would be great to meet someone but my happiness doesn’t depend on it and it has to be the right person. I deserve someone who is fully accepting of my allergies and makes me feel 100% comfortable. That’s my non-negotiable. I’d rather be single forever than settle for anything less than amazing.
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JESSICA
Instagram @allergybubble
